The Fearful Adventure
We had loaded the forty teenagers into two buses with chaperones and our family to go zip-lining through the rainforest in Costa Rica. The trip would take a few hours and the students were buzzing with excitement. We had spent the week ministering to children in outreaches to local schools and parks. This was our scheduled fun day.
I enjoyed the cheerful songs and laughter on the bus. Outside the sun was shining as I gazed at the scenic terrain of the country. Everything was going well until one of the buses broke down. Brad, the Youth Pastor, decided to stay back on the stalled bus with another leader and our son Isaiah to wait for help. Meanwhile, I settled into the idea of taking the 30-plus students and my two small children zip-lining without our leader, my husband.
I will never forget the nervous energy I felt as we loaded into the bed of the zip-lining trucks with our helmets and harnesses to drive up the mountain. My arms flung out to hold onto my giggling daughters as they looked out over the side of the moving vehicle. At the base camp, we had waited as long as we could for Brad’s group to join us. Now as we arrived at the top of the mountain, I surrendered to the reality: I was zip-lining with the youth group through the jungle by myself.
“Dear Jesus, help us,” I whispered into the thick green jungle.
At the time, Lydia was six and Elaina was eight years old. The sound of exotic birds was disturbed by the squeals of teenagers as they zip-lined to the next point. My daughters and I were in the last group. They stood in front of me on the narrow platform suspended high up in the jungle trees. Looking down made my stomach turn as I imagined them falling through the measly railing. “Hold unto the tree,” I tried to encourage as calmly as I could. I watched breathlessly as Elaina jumped off the platform… zip… she zoomed down to point number nine. Lydia was next. At first, the guide suggested little Lydia zip-line by herself, but I insisted that she ride tandem with a guide. I prayed as I watched her go. I was last, there were 10 Zip-lines in total. I felt my heart in my chest and my hands seemed to go numb. What if something went wrong?
Each zip-line was a new level of panic. On zip-line 7 the guide showed us a family of bats that lived under the mat wrapped around the tree we were supposed to stand close to while we waited for our turn. On zip-line 5, zip-liners could go upside down. My panic was all supposed to stay hidden inside. I didn’t want the kids to know my fears. As I imagined what I would have to say to the parents of a child that fell to their death while riding upside down with no hands I couldn’t hold back my outbursts.
“No! Don’t ride upside down on the zip-line, even if they say it is ok,” Meanwhile the guides just shook their heads and laughed.
Because I was in the last group the majority of the teens had already went upside down, so the kids in my group were convinced they had to try it to. To them, the risk was part of the fun. Everyone made it safely, the only mishap was one of the girls burnt her braid on the zip-line. The thought of what could have happened to her had the braid got caught on the steel cable still haunts me today. Finally, we made it to the base of the mountain. I almost kissed the ground I was so relieved to have my feet back on earth. I had my limit of adventure for one day.
I want to be adventurous. Dreaming about going on adventures is the fun part. In fact, when I try to think of the perfect gift, it is always wrapped around a trip. I love the idea of adventure, but actually going through with it is the hard part. I am a natural-born fear bug. Yes, you read it correctly. I am naturally afraid of more things than I want to admit.
It might be because I am a writer, so my mind can take a huge rabbit trail every time I think about what could go wrong. In a flash my mind recalls real life stories of harm and injury. It is an internal battle to get through the rugged terrain of my own fears to follow through with going on an adventure.
The saying, “Do it afraid…” well I have been there, done that. How about you?
Are you naturally fearless? Or do you find a million reasons why you shouldn’t do something because it is unsafe?
Currently, we are in the Colorado mountains on a wonderful vacation. We are in a cabin in the thick woods of the Rocky Mountains, 8200 feet above sea level. The air is crisp this morning with the freshly fallen snow. We would be wearing shorts at home, but here we are bundled up. The trees are beautiful this morning with a layer of frosted crystals glimmering in the morning sun.
Last night as we drove through the red dirt roads with our beat-up minivan we wondered if we would make it back to the cabin in the slushy road conditions. Thankfully we did. Exiting the van we were met with fluffy snowflakes melting on our faces as we ran for the cabin. The sky was white with snowflakes just like out of a Hallmark movie. We started a fire in the fireplace as the kids hunted for snow gear. Judah came out with “Two Pantses” as he called his double layer of sweat pants and socks for gloves. He giggled as he went out to play in the snow. In Iowa, there is no need to worry about such an excursion, but up in the mountains where coyotes hunt family pets, and mountain lions are spotted frequently, this mother’s heart became worried.
To my heart’s ease, Brad and Lydia, now 16, were playing in the snow with him. Meanwhile, I played a new game at the table with Elaina, now 18. Their laughter could be heard as a misguided snowball hit the window. At the end of May, a snowstorm can become a child's playground.
I want to live an adventurous life, but I daily have to fight my fears. How about you?
Are there some things on your bucket list you have yet to do because of fear?
Going to Colorado with my family has been on that bucket list. For this vacation, we have been so blessed by the invitation of friends to join them here. They introduced us to great restaurants and even a cherry shop. We have talked and shared our lives, and memories. We have paused for prayer. My heart feels so revived in their presence. It is with these same friends I have gone on three mission trips without my hero, Brad. They represent courage in my life. As missionaries, they invited me to join them on quests with a purpose greater than my fear.
There is a war inside of me. A war between adventure and playing it safe. I like the rhythm of predictable, but I long for adventure. Today as I walked the dirt road frozen from the recent snowfall I knew coyotes were out there. They woke me up howling outside our window. I had bear spray fastened to a small fanny pack around my waist and though the beauty of the frosted trees was alluring I kept my eyes on the woods around me as if to challenge nature with my weapon.
Brad led me to the rushing stream. The rushing water broke the quiet tranquility of the mountain walk. He was going to take the arctic plunge as he has done many times. I threw a stick into the current.
“Brad are you sure you want to get in there?” I asked alarmed.
I had bear spray, but could I pull a 200 Lb. man out of the water if the current pulled him away? To my surprise, he agreed and decided to find a little alcove to dip in.
With steam rolling off of his wet body we walked the half-mile back to the cabin. This is his adventure, and I am along for the ride. I feel safe with his hulking body walking next to me on the trail, so I am walking in the mountains. This alone is an adventure for me. I have a million reasons why I don’t like nature, sure I love pictures of it, but being out in the elements is a different story. We are quite the pair, he is wet and cold and happy about it, while I am dry and warm and scanning the woods with my bear spray ready to fire.
I am doing adventure a little afraid, but I am still doing it.
How about you? Are you experiencing adventure, even if it freaks you out a little bit?
I hope so.
I do think faith helps us overcome fear. We must remember we are never alone, God goes with us.
I pray often, but the challenge is to actually walk in His Peace. Sometimes I find myself whispering prayers but my mind is filled with fear instead of faith. It is almost like I’m saying words to God but I’m not looking in his direction. In these moments I must make myself stop and recount what God had already done for me.
How do we overcome fear? We must trust in God. This is where our relationship with God becomes the most evident. If we say we believe in God and yet feel full of fear something has to give. This is where surrender comes in. The invitation to having relationship with God is through accepting Jesus Christ as our Savior in every situation. In laying our fears at the foot of the cross we can begin to invite Jesus into every adventure we are too scared to experience alone.
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”
Trusting in God in this way makes me think of one of my favorite childhood memories of my Father. I can picture his young handsome face looking down on me as he tried to teach me how to back float. I was about five years old. As I think back I can almost smell the chlorine. I can hear the 1980’s jingles playing over the loud speaker at Byrnes swimming pool. My dad stood in the 3 foot bracing me in his strong arms as he cheerfully explained how to float. I tried to stick out my stomach and stretch out my arms. I remember looking up into the blue sky I squinted in the brightness of the summer sun. The water splashed into my eyes and leaked into my nose. I was breathing heavily with the exertion.
“You can do this Dianne,” he coaxed, “just relax.”
Looking into his eyes I believed him and calmed my body. I tried again to stretch out my arms and legs. I tried to puff out my tummy as he let go. Suddenly I started kicking and sinking and gasping, only to be quickly rescued. As I repeated the process I began to trust not only his word, but I began to experience the adventure for myself to the cheers of my father.
I want to live a life of adventure, but for a natural-born worrier, adventure does not come easily. But I am reminded today, as I sit on this mountain I am not here alone. My children give me courage. My husband gives me courage. Even my heroic friends give me courage, but it is God that gives me the strength to overcome my fears for He is with me everywhere I go.
I choose today to trust Him, and in His strength, I will live adventurously.