What’s in your hand?
“Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you should set up a life you don’t need to escape from.”
I live on an acreage in the country. The pace here is slower and quieter than the Iowan city life I was accustomed to. I didn’t know if I would fit in a place surrounded by gravel roads, but I have settled in. The sunsets are spectacular off my back deck. I can see the fireworks from that exact location on the Fourth of July. We have our own pool to swim in the summer and plenty of space to make a raucous without bothering the neighbors. It is here that I have witnessed two of my children graduate from high school, and it is here I brought my newborn who will soon be turning six years old.
I have known the pain of pulling foot-high dandelions from the front lawn. Smiling with accomplishment at the enormous piles of hundreds of these irritating weeds only later to wake at three in the morning with searing pain running down my arms like fire. I have had countless flat tires as a result of driving on the gravel road every day to get to town. I have been stuck in ditches when the snow drifts in the winter and have been rescued by friendly folks who own tractors. I have hit deer totaling more than one vehicle. A wild turkey flew into our windshield shattering it on a drive home from a date night. I have spotted countless eagles perched on the carcass of a road-killed animal. I’ve spied several foxes crossing the road. Once I even encountered a thousand swans resting in our pond as they finished their migration to some distant place.
This is the country life in a few words.
But sometimes if I am honest I wonder why I ended up here. It seems to be a pause on the life I had envisioned for myself. What was the vision? A steady climb up the mountain of success. Instead, I find myself in a beautiful plain. I feel guilty for the space to inhale and exhale without traffic, without the hustle and bustle I was used to. This is my life at a slower pace.
Should life be so simple?
I think it is hard to gauge how our lives should actually look. For most of us, I think we just find ourselves awake in the morning going toward the tasks of the day never really knowing if this is the best life we could have. I know I wonder if I can break out of the box I currently find myself in. I want to be an author. This is a new dream. I see it every morning as I realize I must yet again find some words to put on the page.
Perhaps regardless of the surrounding, we must look deeper. We must ask ourselves what are the most important things in life?
The question in this new season of writing has been, “What is in your hand?” When I lean into this question I can see what I have at this moment to work with. I can see the person sitting across from me at the table of strangers that needs a “hello.” I can see my son playing on the kitchen floor and I have the ability to drop what I am doing to play with him. This question helps me get out of my head and act in the present.
With all this country living it is a shame to stay inside doors when the spring air is warm and the sun is doing the work of making the flowers blossom on the trees. But I have a choice of how I will spend my days, and so do you. Whether shut up in the house and away from the sun, or to venture out for a walk, there is a choice to be made. Alone on the pretty trail a few miles from our home I find inspiration to dream. The scenery descends into multiple hills of trees, green grasses, and valleys with the lake flowing in the distance. The birds fly happily as deer are seen feeding in the long prairie grass growing near the woods just beyond the trail.
Yes, there is much beauty in the country, but it comes at a cost. I had to leave behind a ministry I loved to pursue this new chapter: writing. Life goes on and so my mind pauses again:
What’s in my hand?
What’s in your hand?
With the answer to that question comes an invitation to act right now. To be present, in this moment. To lean into the bright lyric of the bird’s song and to breathe in and out slowly so as to pick up the hint of lilac on the breeze.
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