A Birthday Do-Over
“We can make our plans but the Lord determines our steps.” Proverbs 16:9
The sun cut through my dreaming. I had been tossing and turning for a while before I finally opened my eyes. It was the morning of my forty-sixth birthday. But from the look of the room and the activity I could hear coming from the kitchen beyond I knew I had overslept. Picking up my phone from the nightstand I read 8:00 A.M. What? How did I sleep so late?
Outside the pop-up camper stood opened up in our backyard. I had spent the last few days cleaning and organizing it. Judah and I had planned to sleep in it the night before, but the weather was so mild it became too chilly inside without a heater. At 11:30 PM we came back into the house with an armload of blankets and pillows. Remembering the allergy pill I had taken after continually sneezing I finally realized why I had overslept. Shuffling to the kitchen with crazy hair and bare feet I was met by a happy 6-year-old boy.
“Happy Birthday Mom!” He said holding a hanging pot of pink impatiens as best he could. The pot threatened to topple as his Dad rescued the birthday gift from spilling onto the kitchen floor. We all laughed at the near disaster. I muttered something about oversleeping.
“We wanted to let you sleep in, Birthday Girl,” Brad said coming in for a hug and kiss on the cheek.
I was instantly annoyed, but it was my special day, and I didn’t want to be unpleasant toward my family. Swallowing my temptation to be a sour puss I put on a forced smile as I patted his shoulder. Brad laughed reading my body language and sensing the struggle I felt. He started a kettle of hot water on the stove and poured two Tablespoons of Blueberry Coffee into the French Press. I felt a little better thinking surely I could chase the groggy feeling away with some coffee. Meanwhile, Judah showed me the Birthday donuts they had bought from the gas station.
Sitting down at the table next to him, he clumsily dropped the chocolate-covered cream-filled Long John on my plate. Licking his fingers he eyed his own chocolate cake-donut in wonder. Just in time, Brad placed a steamy cup of black coffee in front of me. Taking a sip of the dark potion with a note of blueberry I shut my eyes, willing my mood to improve. Brad on one side and Judah on the other, we ate the sugary indulgences and chatted about the day.
We were going camping! This was my only Birthday wish.
After our breakfast of donuts, Brad immediately started working on the camper for our trip to the nearby lake. Because I was already running late I knew I must get started on the packing list. Leaving the coffee mug and donut crumbs still on the table I set off to load an overnight bag and a cooler of food. I was walking around in circles trying to put all the supplies together while Judah added in his matchbox cars. The pile grew as I spotted Brad hitching the camper to the minivan. I growled to myself, I was running out of time.
That morning I didn’t actually want to go camping. I felt sluggish, but everyone wanted me to have the best birthday ever, so I stumbled around trying to get all the things on my makeshift list. Before long, Brad said he was ready. In an effort to be at peace with Brad I stopped trying to pack up the entire house. Less is more, I reminded myself, and we set off for the lake.
We had only ventured to Diamond Lake, four miles from home, because our light-blue van didn’t have much horsepower. The park was clean and had a play ground, so we were content with staying close to home. When we pulled up to our favorite spot it took a while to get the camper exactly where we wanted it on level ground. Brad immediately started to work on setting up the camper while I got Judah situated. Pulling out the cramped supplies from the back of the van I gave Judah the basket full of toys. After a moment of observation, he asked where his soldiers were. I shrugged as he burst into tears. No words could comfort him as he continued to wail. This was frustrating to Brad who couldn’t seem to get the pop-up to pop-up. Standing behind the camper cranking the lever to raise the sides his muscles bulged and sweat glistened on his brow. As his arms cranked, the canvas shell began to lift and fill out. I turned to admire the camper taking shape when suddenly there was a loud POP! The sides instantly deflated in a gust of air like a deflated balloon.
“Uh Oh!” Judah's voice mirrored our unspoken thoughts.
Brad hopped in the van to go home for his tools. Returning shortly he got to work while Judah played contentedly with the Monster Trucks I had packed. Crawling under the camper, Brad clanked and banged with his tools. Trying again and again to mend the broken piece that held the camper together. Finally, after a sweaty half hour, he concluded it was broken. He would need to order a new part. Our Camping trip was a bust.
Almost immediately after he made this conclusion my daughters pulled up. Handing me a bag of Gummy Bears they started pulling out their camping gear. Upon hearing the sad news they frowned. Standing there looking at the deflated camper we decided to go kayaking. Judah, Lydia and I set sail on the quiet waters of the lake. The morning breeze made it perfect for the excursion. We talked, laughed, and splashed each other, and for a moment I felt better.
It’s hard to recover when you wake up on the wrong side of the bed. On the water, I realized my plans for the day were going to have to change. I would have to find the grace to be okay with going in a different direction.
Do you ever struggle to find grace on days when it is not going the way you planned?
We ended up packing up and leaving the campground. Before we left, Judah had found two kids to befriend. Meanwhile, by the calming water I sat next to Elaina, my nineteen year-old, having a fun conversation. If we had not attempted to camp these little moments would have been lost.
After coming home from the Lake I took a long nap (something I never do). This was a strange Birthday. But as the dinner hour approached, Brad said, “I’m taking you out to eat, and you can’t say no.”
I gave in, hopping in the van with the family to dine at my favorite Mexican restaurant. We ordered queso for the generous bowl of warm tortilla chips we devoured while waiting for our entrees. I was the center of attention as they buzzed with affection. Everyone cheered when our food arrived. Lydia and I split a steamy skillet of chicken and beef fajitas.
To be honest, I dread my birthday now that I am getting older. Looking on the bright side though, I am thankful for the the lessons learned along the way. A younger version of Dianne would have thrown a fit when her birthday plans were thwarted. Instead, together we enjoyed a meal and an ice cream cake in peace.
So much of life spins out of the control we think we have on it. I tend to plan out exactly how I want things to go. But my 46th Birthday taught me a lesson, sometimes life does not cooperate with my plans.
“Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead, let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come.”
To be honest, that day felt a little upside down, and I battled the thought: I want a Birthday do-over. Then to my surprise, I received so many kind Birthday wishes from friends who reached out through text, Facebook, and even phone calls. I received cards in the mail and hugs from my kids. Even now as I look on that day I am humbled by the simple acts of love.
No matter what you face today, I want you to know you are loved. I pray no matter how upside down your life may feel you will have the eyes to see the little blessing that springs up in the unplanned moments.