The Reframe
Two years ago I stopped writing my Blog because it became too hard. This was the last Blog I wrote and left unpublished until today, January 9th 2026. In this new year, I want to share the wise words this younger me wrote and to take them to heart. It time to write with the power of the Reframe.
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”
I never thought I could hit a midlife crisis. To be honest, I was too busy to notice I was getting older. Up to my knees with tasks and the responsibility of raising four kids kept the focus off myself. Trying to make a difference around me made it difficult to notice my world was shifting.
Change hit me in the face like a frozen gust of wind. The catalyst came when we resigned from our church and decided to put a pause on pursing further ministry positions. Then trying to help our adult children through their personal crisis added to my awareness. My body surged with stress and anxiety that left my heart racing as I reached for food to soothe my worry.
I had hit the midlife crisis.
Presently, I am living in a small town at a time when I feel isolated. Not working in my field of training, where I have spent the majority of my professional career, has made me feel out of sorts. I am not connected very well in my small community out of the shame of leaving one of the only churches in town. I battle words like outcast and failure. I can succumb to feelings of loneliness. But I also have a choice. I can reframe this scene.
Re-frame: To frame or express (words or a concept or plan) differently.
I like to think of reframing as looking on the bright side. To put this idea into action can bring forth a powerful change of view. Reframing a gloomy perspective takes willpower and continued focus. What does it look like to reframe the backdrop of the present? It is an act of faith in some ways. As I look at the details of my surroundings I have to turn down the volume of the negative messages I hear. I have a choice in what I believe. In times of loneliness, negative thoughts seem to blare loudly in my mind: Not Good Enough! Too much! Bad Friend. Imposter.
One way I reframe my outlook is to turn to memory. I look deeply into the breakthroughs I have seen God perform in my life. This opens my heart to faith. This is evidence of breakthroughs I have already experienced and can hope for again. By seeing with fresh eyes the things God had already performed I remember. I recall, in times past, the friends that came from seemingly nowhere to speak life over me. Just last week, I had a friend like this send me a message of hope.
I say out loud: “Thank you God, for reminding me through this memory how you are consistently there for me.”
I am learning to speak gently over myself:
I am enough.
I am not too much.
I am a good friend.
I forgive those who have hurt me.
I choose to have a laser focus on such positive situations. I whisper to myself: "If He has done it before He will see me through yet again.” Reframing a situation requires looking at the hard details. It requires admitting where I went wrong and being willing to forgive myself and others.
“Thank you God, for this moment, it hurts to be here, but I know you are doing something good in my circumstance. Because I am here I am forced to look at the areas I had neglected when everything went smoothly. You did not abandon me, so I forgive the ones I want to blame.”
At first, it might feel silly to be so optimistic, but this is what is needed to get through hard times. The tool of reframing can help reduce the harm stress and depression pour out on our minds, emotions, and body. To let go and forgive is how we can move forward in life with Hope.
Recently as I have been doing a study on Holocaust Survivors’ stories, I discovered that the individuals who survived the horrible living conditions and mental anguish of that horrible time did so by reframing their situation. They kept living to keep a loved one alive. Or they dreamed of returning to their home. They rallied together through shared stories, laughter, and heroic acts of self sacrifice.
Reframing our story is vital to moving forward. But it sometimes takes having an accountability partner to help. It is funny how into my own head I can become. When I spend time with a trusted friend and share my inner thoughts I can see more clearly. Through shared conversation, the burden I hold shrinks and becomes more manageable.
How do we reframe painful situations?
Write down your thoughts and take time to read them out loud to yourself. Hearing your own thoughts out loud can kick in our problem solving skills. With the help of the Holy Spirit, we can see beyond our own perception. Letting go of the guilt we carry for allowing the situation to happen can further our reframing. We can’t read our offender's thoughts or know why they acted as they did. We only have control over how we let it affect us.
I can say: This person hurt me in this way, but I don’t know their motivation as much as I feel like I do. I can continue to harbor anger and bitterness or by an act of my will, I can let go of it, and instead allow God to help me see what he is doing even through these hurtful times.
It is brave to reframe a situation because our internal defenses want to hold on. And to be completely honest even if we forgive we cannot forget the offense. Still, forgiveness is key to getting out of the situational pit we can find ourselves in.
Hitting a midlife crisis has forced me to take up the reframe tool on a daily basis. I am not through the present storm but I am still standing. I remind myself of this truth: God is good. When life is hard I remember that I am not alone. When I’m shut up in bitterness and despair I am training my heart to reach out for a lifeline. Reframing helps me to see the ones God has sent to help pull me out of danger.
This is the power of the Reframe!