Mirror Mirror

  Have you ever heard a friend speak badly about herself? Recently I read such a post. The writer had a life marked by kind deeds. I personally witnessed the ministry of her thoughtfulness. When I read the words she wrote about herself I was shocked. She felt words like being a letdown, not good enough, and a disappointment. I was saddened because her life was far from any of these phrases yet somehow she believed they were true.

    I wanted to write affirmations to her. I mean, how could she believe such lies? The problem was if I was honest, I knew exactly how she felt because I had felt this discouragement too.

Don’t we all get hard on ourselves sometimes?

I can hear myself saying to her:

Think positive.

Look on the bright side.

   It is easy to say this to my kids when they are thinking negatively. But the struggle feels up close and personal when life isn’t turning out how I had planned.

  When your favorite bowl gets broken or you accidentally back into the house with your van it is hard to look on the bright side. My gut response is anger, a good self-reprimand.  It seems natural to fall into a less-than-positive point of view. 

  To be honest, staying positive is a challenge.

How about you?

   February is a month we dedicate to showing love to others, but do we ever extend an extra amount of grace toward ourselves? 

When you look in the mirror what do you see? 

Do you frown at the person looking back at you?

I am working on the way I talk to the woman I see in the mirror.

   As I look at her, I notice her puffy eyes. She has stayed up late again talking to her teenage child. I see the gray hair in her curly locks that was earned by four pregnancies and twenty-plus years of ministry. I smile at her, taking in her raw beauty, the fine lines are the merit badge of her love.

I know it is important to celebrate how far I have come. I know how soul-freeing it is to thank God for the evidence of age etched into my face and body. It is the cost of living a life hard, but good. I am not mistaken for a twenty-year-old girl anymore, but in these self-affirming moments, I can embrace the mature middle-aged woman I have become.

Who do I see when I look in the mirror?

I see my mother. I even see glimpses of my grandmother looking back through the glass. Now, I see them both more clearly than ever before. Growing in wisdom gives me a new compassion for my daughters. Being a woman is not easy. As I think of the stories of these women who have gone before me, I understand their pain and struggles more personally. I hope my daughters will be stronger. I pray they won’t fall victim to the same insecurities we did. Still, I know no one is exempt from life’s pitfalls. 

  What do you see when you look in the mirror?

  The truth is, God loves us even in our shortcomings. In life, if you haven’t fallen down a few times if you haven’t tasted the bitterness of failure if you haven’t had to humble yourself to ask someone for forgiveness; then you are probably not human. 

  This month I want to encourage us to be kinder to ourselves. When we are able to look at ourselves in a gentler way, it is good for us. In fact, studies show a link between positive thoughts and curing depression and anxiety. Looking on the bright side is not only positive but also healthy.

  It is important to be kind to ourselves, so why is it so hard to show forgiveness to the girl in the mirror?

  I think for me, it is hard to have grace for some of the repeated failures and mistakes. The things I definitely should have learned already.  

  How about you? Are you stuck in a barrage of self-harm in the way you think or speak to yourself? 

The change started to happen in my outlook when I talked to a counselor. She helped me face some of my greatest fears and negative thoughts. I discovered a big area of sorrow came from being a “People pleaser.”

  Gosh, I sure was trying to be a super mom, wife, and minister, but sometimes I came so close to my own limits it was unhealthy. I had to come to terms with the reality: I would let people down. In accepting my limits a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

 Do you tend to think negatively?

 On the other side of admitting our weaknesses, there is freedom. We can feel happier each day. I hope you will take this self-love challenge. Love the reflection you see in the mirror. After all, you are worthy of your love too, so don’t be shy. 

February is the month of love, why not let it start with the one we see in the mirror?

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