A Father’s Gaze
I held a ladle as an ice cream scoop. The gallon of vanilla ice cream was not cooperating with me as the growing line of little girls and proud fathers stood anxiously waiting. I apologized as I finally scraped a small clump of ice cream into the styrofoam cup to be filled with rootbeer. My sticky hands grabbed a straw to complete the Rootbeer float. Quickly I started on to the next cup struggling with the sticky frozen ice cream.
In my adult brain, I knew there could have been a better way, but I was helping the high school Spanish club with their Daddy Daughter Dance fundraiser. I wasn’t proving to be the best ice cream server the world had ever seen. As I handed the rootbeer floats away I was surprised and unexpectedly blessed by something truly special. I witnessed the unique interaction between little girls and their fathers.
One little girl with beautiful dark features wore a blue dress. She had her mother’s lipstick on hinting at the beauty she would later grow up to be. I smiled at a bubbly little blond with satin pink gloves, a wand, and a bedazzled crown. I held her wand while she took the rootbeer float. Still, there was another little girl, not in school yet with tiny little features and a shy little face. She let her daddy speak for her as she hid behind his huge form.
Together the daughters and fathers sat at the lunch tables. The little girls talked as their fathers listened. For the most part, the phones were put away and the men were taking in the wonder of these little ones. Sequins, satin, and lace contrasted with cowboy boots, jeans, and western dress shirts. Little hands with freshly painted fingernails nibbled on treats. The hum of little girl voices filled the air as each girl sparkled with the feeling of being wanted, of being beautiful.
Later as the girls danced in the dimly lit gym to Disney princess songs, the Fathers gathered at the side. They talked to one another while the girls just wanted to have fun. Laughter and singing was flowing effortlessly from the girls as they celebrated. On the stage, the lights were shining red, blue, green, and purple. Then over the loudspeaker, the M.C. announced the slow dance. All across the room, the Fathers held their daughter’s petite hands in their own, rugged and life worn. I felt an uncontrollable smile come across my face as I remembered how it felt to dance with my own father as a child. He was too tall and my hands couldn't reach so I stood on his feet as he waltzed me around the room. His sing-songy voice counted 1-2-3, 1-2-3, as he spun me around. I felt like a princess. As I looked at the faces of the little girls, they looked as I had felt all those years ago.
Before I was ready to have the night end the little girls and their dads went home. I was just the rootbeer float lady. A mere volunteer, but I encountered a very special moment in each one of the girls’ lives. A moment they will look back on, a time spent in their father’s gaze.
Dads are very important. Studies show involved fathers have a strong influence on their children. Children with attentive fathers have 2x’s more chance of going to college. They are also 80% less likely to get in trouble with the law. Adolescents are 75% less likely to have a teen pregnancy. Positive identity is formed in these healthy relationships between fathers and their daughters, and yet so many girls grow up without a dad’s attention. If we are honest, many of us grew up with wounded hearts, because secretly we longed for quality time with our dads.
It is hard to be present as a parent. I realize now, that 3 out of my 4 children are in their late teen years, and technology has changed our lives as an American family. Phones are now tiny computers we use for everything. I am tempted every day to let my youngest, the five-year-old, be distracted by videos or games while I get my work done. I am battling to unplug myself from the distractions to spend time with my kids.
Our children have a hard time focusing too. Most parents work, and when evening rolls around, it feels like you have 2 seconds together as a family before it is bedtime. I am very concerned about my evening routine. I don’t want to ignore or skip spending time with my youngest, now a kindergartener, but I feel the pull of distraction. Chores need to be done, dinner needs to be cooked, and volunteer responsibilities are tugging at me. Often I find myself reading a story to him and falling asleep after a few pages.
As I watched those fathers with their daughters spinning around the gym floor I remembered my husband with our daughters. Laughter would bounce off the walls as he told them silly stories before bed. I smiled at the memory of the day he performed a wedding for their guinea pigs, Walter and Brownie. I remembered the night Brad took Lydia, all dressed up, to the Mary Poppins musical. She posed proudly in her Mary Poppins costume like a little movie star next to her hero, her dad. Feelings of joy and sadness swirled within as I realized how fast those days had passed.
The world needs good dads. Our daughters want attentive fathers, and for one special night as a rootbeer float server, I caught a glimpse of how wonderful that world could be within a father’s gaze.
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