Around the Bend
I am framing this day by looking on the bright side. As I write I hear the birds chirping. The morning is covered in a milky white fog but the ground is soft and the air smells earthy and warm for March in the Midwest.
I woke up late again which is frustrating, and I am writing in my pajamas because I don’t work outside the home. It is starting to gnaw at me how I am not a minister at the church anymore. When I shut my eyes I see every hallway. I think of my old office. I dread the thought of walking through those halls again, in the state of “no longer.”
Right now I can very easily look at life with a “glass half empty” attitude. I must choose to reframe it. I must find a new way of looking at the details of my reality. I need to know I have a purpose beyond the church's doors. I had an itching feeling I wasn’t enough for every moment of my work there. I finally see the strain of this self-deprecation. Now on the other side, I must choose to take steps forward.
Have you been there? Are you there with me now?
“In difficult moments of reawakening, we will hear urgent voices calling us to return to the old, dead ways; ways that are familiar. Do not be fooled by these attractive voices. There is a better country than that which you have left.”
This is ringing true.
In the van, looking through the fog I see the road leading to the school. Enjoying the happy pattern of words flitting from my husband to my son like energetic sparrows on the way, I smile. My five-year-old is dressed and ready for another day of learning. Letters and numbers are still new to him. Being surrounded by other kids can make the lessons hard on his focus, but he doesn’t complain as we near the drop-off door. Instead, he hops out of the van with a hearty, “Bye Mom!”
Instantly I am challenged by his energetic words. He was ready to learn from the new day, and I knew I must also choose to look on the bright side. This choice rumbles all the way down to my core, like the first bite of food on an empty stomach after a long night’s reprieve. My life is not over just because it looks dramatically different. No, it is actually turning a corner toward new discoveries.
It is hard to start over. Especially when the career you had seemed to define you. Like the sketch of a girl on paper, after years of work, fully colored in. The contours and shape of the jawline and figure were masterfully completed, or so I thought. I had no idea that paper girl would be cut away from the steeple and placed in a simple writer’s chair. Here I am sitting as I type away at a desk in the guest room wearing a messy bun and last night's make-up still on my unwashed face.
Is this a demotion or a new opportunity to learn?
I must choose how I frame my present reality.
To be honest, I don’t like change, and yet it is unavoidable. In such times we must make ourselves mindful. It is our choice how we embrace the day given. We have the power to take our thoughts captive. If they are destructive thoughts we don’t have to hold unto them. We have the ability to let them go.
Right now I am deciding to seize the day. I face the challenge to write every morning without interruption. This is a new discipline in my life. I am producing words like freshly baked cookies to share with you, my readers. While spilling words I wonder if the ingredients will come together to make something delicious. I surely hope these words have some positive effect.
It might sound easy, but I battle resistance. I wonder every day if there is anything new to be said, but I sit here anyway and I type…
“...We are taking every thought and purpose captive to the obedience of Christ.”
Though I am no longer a minister on staff at a church I know I am still important to God. He still has a plan for my life. Even though the roadmap took an unexpected turn for me, He wasn’t surprised. This is what I know to be true even when it doesn’t feel like it. We have God-given willpower that will steer our thoughts in the direction we will go. Whether positive or negative, we get to decide.
I want this day to be like the robin recently returned from her migration, singing from the barren branch. She sings in faith toward the beautiful leaves slowly budding beneath her perch. She knows instinctively, new growth will take time. The Lord has something beautiful in store for us too, but we must wait for it.
“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”
I want to be fully alive and happy in the new. How about you? Together let us make a decision to take the courage to believe. Though it takes faith, we can embrace what lies ahead in the fog, just around the bend.
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